So glad to be back

Daily Life

I have to pick our story back up.  So many readers have said I left them hanging.  They want updates on Wyatt, they want to know how Emma is, and I will continue, I intend to quickly.   It feels so good to back at this computer.  I am no writer by any stretch of the imagination, but, it is my only connection to something higher than myself, something not self serving, not self indulgent,  something for someone else.  Putting your junk out for all to see is no easy feat.  It is emotionally draining, it is humbling and humiliating at times.  To be honest I just needed a break, I had done it daily for almost a year straight and I had to regroup.  And then once I had taken a few weeks off, it seemed something much bigger than me, because let’s be real,  I am soooo small in the scheme of this world and the thought of eternity, BUT in the scheme of who God is and people coming to knowing Him  and people in desperate places having absolutely nowhere to turn, I may be all they have.  It seems everything had turned itself against me, to keep me from continuing to share what we have gone thru and even continue to go thru.  Because I think truly effective people, are people who are genuine and real and trustworthy, and are willing to give you what they know to be the truth, even if it hurts at that moment.  That hurt goes both ways.  Sometimes for the person giving the advice and sometimes for the person getting it.  The truth hurts often, but it is always the best.  When we began this “journey”… hummm,… I always use the word journey, and I am tired of it!!, so from here on out, I am gonna say “dirt road”! When we began this long dirt road, strangely I received “wise” advice not to tell the truth, not to lie, but not to tell the whole truth either.  What will it do to your family, how will people view your marriage, what will they think of your kids, blah blah blah…. just keep it quite, keep it on the down low.  Never did I image in a million years I would be putting it ALL out there in this manner, but it just went against my very nature to be a poser, a fraud.  Because when you pose or pretend,  those who are truly in crisis see you and it just makes them feel that much more inadequate, they die a little more inside.  And the hope that has brought us through is just wasted, not wasted, but it’s just plain selfish!  O, God is certainly bigger than my family and would  find someone else who is willing to share hope to the hurting or the wounded, but what a mission, what an exciting thought to think of my dirt road journey (uggggh that word again!) being used to connect women together and bring a message of hope to someone who has only heard there is no hope, you are finished, you have reached your end, you are worthless, used up.  You are old, I need a younger woman, you are no value to me, or you will be nothing without me as he wipes the blood from his wife’s lip from an earlier argument.  Or a teenager that thinks of suicide daily, because they are tormented at school.   They can read my dirt road story and follow along with me and know that God is acutely aware of every minute of every day that they have lived.  They are not alone.  Their pain is His own.  He has never abandon me or left me.  I have faced difficult times, and faced challenges, but never have I faced a moment that I have not felt His love surround me, and girls, I am still standing.  I have seen God provide when there was no way possible.  It sounds mysterious and mystical but, I have seen God perform miracles in my family’s life.   When I had no means of providing my childrens’ Christmas, receiving a check in the mail from someone we had known 6 years earlier just days before Christmas.  I think I would call that a miracle.  Too many to name now.  What a source of encouragement-if we would only be willing to share.  The flip side to that is we all have bad days.  And it’s refreshing to know we all face our own demons.  There is someone just like you who is hanging on by a tread, and has days when they wanna give up, stay in bed and not see anyone.  Trust me, I have many of those days.  But it always seems God places a women in my path, maybe at the grocery store or a restaurant, that needs to know  that there is something bigger than them Who wants to help mange their life.  And thank God for it, because I would be a raving lunatic if I didn’t live with that assurance.  As I sit with her and I share with her, I am refreshed and I am so glad that I didn’t go into hiding, and that I am not a poser, that I am who I am, because it has connected me to her, and I have my dirt road to thank for that.


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